Shisui's Side-Story
by athrna
Summary: Uchiha Shisui's life story - he died a young man, mostly laughing his way through life. He was the only survivor of the child division in the Third War, a special military use of children shinobi put together by Danzō to win the war. Since then, he'd had a peculiar outlook in living. He's also the big brother Itachi could ever asked for. A sequel to 'Like A Dream'. M for language.
1. Life's Too Short

I do not own Naruto. Copyright to Kishimoto Masashi.

A/N: This fic has a deep connection with 'Like A Dream'. Go and read it if you want to know more. Enjoy reading and review please! :)

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**Prologue - Life's Too Short**

"I won't kill you"

"Yes, you will."

I'm probably too optimistic for my own good.

I thought I could stop Danzō and the Uchiha clan, but I failed. To make things worse, I am now poisoned and dying fast, with my right eye stolen. I should have seen that coming, Danzō was waiting for me to put him under Kotoamatsukami and I did so, only I didn't know he already had a pair of Sharingan and was strong enough to fight back against my illusion. Those eyes... they must have belonged to him. Poor boy... I thought I was able to come to a conclusion when I negotiated with Sandaime and Fugaku, one that would be beneficial for both parties, but I failed there too. I thought that Yondaime's and Sensei's deaths were for the best. I thought the Third War was to be the last war. I thought we could finally live in peace…

In the end, what I did was not enough.

The Aburame boy who poisoned me had no choice in the matter. And I don't blame him. He must have been forced to join ROOT, like Toshiro was forced to, just because they were 'special', like they say. Danzō only keeps those who are of use to him, who are young and talent. Anyone else is an obstacle... And he will do whatever it takes in order to reach his goal.

Those children who joined ROOT may live a stable life with no worries of survival needs, but I pity them. To me, they have no freedom and they have no life. Why? They abandon their emotions. For all I know, emotions are what makes us human. When Danzō stripped those poor children of their ability to feel, they abandoned their right to be human. Yes, they had no choice. I've almost forgotten about that. Pardon me. Should I be glad that I was too old to join them? Ha! – I would have hated myself so badly – that's all I know.

Itachi refused to do it. "There must be some other way." I knew that he couldn't do the deed. He is too gentle.

The poison is starting to spread again. Putting another seal on myself, I should be able to last a couple more minutes, just enough time for him to get this over and done with.

Then, I start to cough up blood, which means that the seal is doing its job. With those unique venomous bugs within my body, it is only a matter of time before they wake up from my seal and kill me. All I'm doing now is delaying the inevitable. It's thanks to you, Kushina-sensei, that I can do so. I am so pleased to know that my preparation for the Jōnin exam did me a world of good. They weren't just petrifying horrible memories of training from the depths of Hell.

Itachi, you must hurry. I don't know how much longer I have left. You have to do this. Just put the job ahead of your personal feelings and do it! "I have to admit. That boy is good," amused by my own failure and congratulated the boy who succeeded, I laughed at myself bitterly. I can't remember the last time I laughed. "It's my own fault for being a bit too careless." I would hate to die in misery. It's good that I have just enough chakra to last an hour longer than I was supposed to after fighting Danzō. I knew I was surrounded and the fact I'm still alive is surprising. I've never been so grateful to live more than I am now, because I was sure that I was going to die right there and then. A meaningless death.

"If you run out of chakra to hold the seal, I'll do it. We should last long enough to find Yuna." It's no use. He must have known it as well. Even if I'm cured, it will take far too long to find her in the first place and then it will take quite some time for her to perform the operation on me. By that time, someone else will have already carried out the Massacre. That only entails we will have no chance to save the innocent children from the catastrophe brought upon by our clan's selfish ambition.

Yuna just left the village on a trip to the Land of Water. Good. Because after this, Namikaze Yuna will most definitely be his next target. Two days from now, Itachi will have to carry out the massacre if his father does not yield to the Hokage's demands. It's a shame he doesn't. I know that the Uchiha clan will not go down without a fight. He knows the outcome better anyone else, that's why Yuna is going back to her homeland, where it is dangerous too, but it should be safer for her than it would be here, in Konoha. They both must have agreed to this.

"You know it wouldn't work," I replied. I really appreciate his effort in stalling. We are like brothers, but honestly, is there anyone out there who can willingly kill his own kin? I understand, but you must, Itachi.

Looking at me pleadingly, he tried to persuade me again. "No. Yuna can save you. We both know it."

I knew he wouldn't give up. With only one eye, I am staring dimly back at his face. Even with my impaired vision, I can still make out the anxiety and determination to save me written all over his face. I am so frustrated. I despise myself for being so powerless, so useless, so weak! I thought all those years of training would have given me the strength needed to protect the people and the land I love. No. It wasn't enough.

Still, I can do what I can. I am stubborn, but yes. I will stay being the optimistic guy until my death. Which, hopefully, will come very soon.

"What about the village? What about the country? We both know that this is the only solution that we have." He can't answer me, because he, too, knows that there is no other way.

"Sometimes, sacrifice is necessary. Self-sacrifice…"

I can't help but to bring up a self-mocking sneer. "I was once saved by a nameless shinobi who protects peace from within its shadow. I should have been dead a long time ago." Itachi knows the story. After all, he was also there at his funeral.

"It's my turn." That's right. It's my time to repay my debt to Konohagakure, the land that I can proudly call home.

Grasping my remaining eye protectively, I hand it to him. "You're my best friend and the only I can count on. Please do what is necessary to protect the village and the Uchiha name." I won't last much longer now, flinching in pain as those nano-insects wake up from their slumber. "But pr-promise me," I stutter desperately, rapidly losing my breath, hearing my heart beat hastily against my chest. "Wha-whatever y-you do…"—I'm struggling hard to finish my last words—"…do n-not sa-sacrifice her, do n-not make the same mi-mistake I d-did…"—I smile, wishing them a better ending than my own disaster—"y-you'll ne-never be a-able to jus-tify wha-what you do."

Don't you dare, Itachi. She deserves better than that. Live my dream for me: live the life I could never have.

"You have my words." Knowing that there is no escape, Itachi prepared himself and shut his eyes in thwarting defeat. And then, he takes my left eye.

With that, Itachi draws his tanto and stabs it right through the center of my heart. He immediately withdraws it, causing me to fall on my knees and fall into the Naka River. Blood is washing away by the river's ebb and flow, leaving no trace the murder. I am drowning. I can't see because I don't have eyes anymore. I can't hear because of the ruthless pounding of the water current against my ears.

I bet he's crying now, snivelling silently and pretending that he is all good and tough.

It's okay, Itachi. You'll find a way somehow. You have to continue your journey without me… I'm proud to have been your teammate, your best friend and your brotherly figure cousin. Well, we're second cousins. Meh… same thing.… I laughed – I am still the optimist I ever was. My fingers are numbing and the pain is easing. Good. I can see that light now. That's good too.

I'm sorry, my love. My time is up. But I'm coming to you now.


	2. The Forgotten Hero

**Chapter 2 – The Forgotten Hero**

My family members were always interested in what I did. I knew that they had a lot of love for me, which I appreciated, it could just be because I was the youngest member of my family – by far. My brother was twenty years older than I was. My father was fifty-two years old when I was born and my mother was twelve years his junior.

Now that I think back, I must have been a complete accident. Whether I was or I wasn't didn't matter, though. Even with the huge age gap between my parents, it didn't stop them from loving each other very much. It didn't stop them from loving me, either. They understood each other, unlike most of the other couples in our clan. They didn't force themselves into a marriage in order to procreate. For us, the Uchiha, it was essential, or else we would have died out long ago.

That's because we were always among the first of our village's clans to be sent to the battlefield.

No matter how strong we were, death was unavoidable. It was a major contributing factor in the clan's growing resentment towards the village, hatred towards our place of birth... I never understood why they felt that way. We weren't the only clan in Konohagakure that was treated like that. The Uchiha suffered a great deal during the chaos that war tended to bring, but so did the Senju, Hyūga, Sarutobi, Nara… the list of clans who suffered could go on and on and on, that's how bad it was.

In fact, the Senju only had ten surviving members, yet they never showed resentment. They were once a big clan, just like us. But they died protecting the Land of Fire during the First and Second Shinobi World Wars. They never showed any hatred or regret in spite of that while the Uchiha, who were at least ten times as large and still going strong, did.

My family did not share the opinions of the majority of our clansmen. The fact was that we were a battle-oriented clan – abilities came with responsibilities, after all. So it was only natural that we were sent to the frontlines during war. That was just how life was. As far as I could remember, my family had always been the outcasts of the Uchiha. Whether it was our view on the village, or simply us as people, there was always a rift between us and the rest of our clan.

Was there a reason in particular for this rift? I didn't know. I never went through the trouble to figure out what was right and what was not. Even when I was a child, I could tell there was something different about us. Maybe it was good, or maybe it was bad. But it didn't matter back then. I was a child and children tend not to worry about things like that.

"Shisui, do you want to go fishing with me?" Toshi shouted from the doorway. He was carrying his fishing gear, ready to go to the river bank.

I dropped the toys in my hand and ran towards the doorway. Overflowing with excitement, I ran fast, just a bit too fast, causing myself to bump into the tall man that was my brother.

"Easy there, tiger," Toshi said gently.

Toshi was somehow amused by my little mishap. If I had crashed into Mother rather than him, I knew what I was in for. She was so going to tell me off for running around dangerously. I always thought our house was pretty safe, but that didn't stop her. Oh well, mother, I'll watch where I'm going next time…

"C'mon, let's get your shoes on." He took my trainers out of the shoebox and untied the shoe laces. I held out a hand, gesturing him to stop helping me to put on my shoes for me.

"I can do it myself." I gave him a V-sign and stared at him entreatingly.

"All right then, Chibisuke." Toshi chuckled and patted my head lightly. I returned his brotherly affection with a cheesy grin.

My brother loved fishing. The few times he wasn't on border patrol during the Third Shinobi World War, he would fish. He could only come home for two days, thrice a year. Because he was a sensor and was part of an elite team of ANBU, he had been on his post since I was three and one year had passed so far in what would be a decade-long war. Konoha joined the war a few years after it had began, but it must defend herself from other countries, for her children.

My father was one of the Hokage's closest advisors. When he had the time, he would play with me. I had spent my formative years looking up to my all-grown-up niisan, before he became a part of the army. He was a loving big brother with the best smile in the world. He always smiled and he never frowned around me.

Unfortunately, by the time I had learned how to hold a decent conversation, there was very little time I had left with my brother. No one saw it coming. I had so many questions to ask and so many things that I wanted do with my one and only sibling, but I couldn't. I didn't know that the next time I saw him, he would be lying peacefully in that dull-looking, wooden cage of a box. He would be sleeping soundly for eternity, and we were only there to see him off with the rest of village watching, showing him the respects he deserved.

Mother was crying into Father's shirt, caught in a consoling embrace. They both wept uncontrollably. Heartbroken. I didn't understand. Toshi was probably fooling around and pretending that he was still sleeping in the middle of the day. He liked to scare people a lot. He thought it was fun and I had fun too, because I was never fooled by his act. Toshi was just sleeping. Wasn't he? He was smiling. I knew it. Niisan was trying to pull a prank on us again.

To honour the late national hero that was my brother, Father wiped away his tears and prepared himself for what he was about to do. He sent a dragon of flames towards my brother's stone-cold body, reducing it into ash. My eyes widened, startled. I was shaking in fear. Father must have gone mad and the woman next to him could not have been my mother, since she didn't stop her husband from setting his own son alight.

Adrenaline was pumping through my veins. I ran towards the callous blaze at top speed, but a blond man who was probably younger than my brother held his arm in front of me to prevent me from getting further. I ducked under his arm, running again. Before I could get to where Toshi was, to wake him up from his deep slumber, that blond man came in front of me once again, with a flash. This time, he lifted me into the air, giving me no chance to come any closer.

"Let me down, Minato!" I kicked my legs and gave angry punches in mid-air. He was niisan's best friend. Why did he let whatever was happening happen? Why did he just stand there?

"Please, Shisui." I could see the sorrow imprinted deep into his sapphire blue eyes. They were misty. He was holding tears back, not letting the tiniest drip fall.

"Niisan! I promise you. I won't throw away all your fish food anymore. I'll hide them next time."

There was no answer.

"Wake up now, please! I'll be good. I promise." I prayed that he would take my eager bait, spring up from that furious sea of fire.

I couldn't see clearly anymore. My eyes were blurry and filled with tears. My nose was running as I choked on my hasty breaths. I could only make out the vicious colour of burning flame.

"Wake up, Toshi! This isn't funny anymore!" I screamed so loud that probably anyone could hear what I said at the other side of the country.

I could only shout, in hopeful anticipation that my voice could reach niisan's ears, and then - maybe just in time - he would stop his stupid joke.

It wasn't funny, Toshi. It never was.


	3. Academy

**Chapter 3 - Academy**

I started attending the Academy at an early age. Well, early compared to the "commoners" – what members of the Uchiha Clan called those who weren't blessed with superior battling ability. Just when I was slowly accepting the fact that niisan was never going to come back, I began training to become a shinobi, like my brother was before.

With my brother gone, I had to be the strong one of my family. Father wasn't getting any younger and Mother had ended her career as a kunoichi long ago… and she had, sadly, contracted a fatal illness. Just like Toshi did, I needed to be strong so that I could protect my family and village. Eventually, my parents would be unable to take care of themselves, so I would have to be the strong one and take care of them like they took care of me.

As such, I would always be serious whenever I was at the Academy. While the other students, who were all older than me, were making friends and having a good laugh, enjoying their childhood, I would work hard and stay quiet. The Academy was where I would acquire my survival skills, and I would listen attentively to each and every lecture.

I always handed in my homework on time and I always trained on my own, doing extra exercises whenever I could. Because of that, I always scored top marks for the whole year. Although I never considered myself as a prodigy, I was always seen as one. I was practically no different to Hatake Kakashi, who had graduated last year, despite being only a year older than I was. But then again, he was also known as a child genius.

Even so, I never met the silver-haired son of the White Fang during my time at the Academy. It was only years after that I met and befriended him. Kakashi became one of my closest friends and was a constant presence throughout my life, until my untimely death, of course.

Oh - now _that_ I remember - I _am_ dead now. I am only ghost currently recalling the faded memories of my past, a ghost that lingers in the void between the living and the dead, a ghost that waits to cross over into the afterlife. If, somehow, my soul is still attached to my washed-up corpse of a body, I swear I would have brought up a self-mocking sneer and shook my head contemptuously, looking very amused.

I suppose that was just who I was: a very easily amused person. Even in the darkest times, I never failed to find the slightest thing to cheer myself up, just like Toshi had superbly said back when I was only an infant.

"If you are going to eat the salad, you might as well eat it with a smile. Whether you like it or not, Mother will not have you _not_ eating the veggies." He gave a cheeky wiggle of his eyebrows, staring at my wailing infant self with persuasive eyes.

"Why cry? Smile."

He shot me an all-knowing grin. I stopped my bellowing at that bowl of grass in front me. Toshi picked up the chopsticks again, preparing to feed me what now seemed like a nicely arranged mixture of raw plants.

"You know, you might grow to like the taste of it."

Throughout my life, I always learned everything by copying others. Toshi, for example, had said "ah," causing me to copy what he was doing. Before I knew it, Toshi shoved all that way-too-healthy manifestation of organic green – which reeked of disgusting earth – past my parted lips and down to the pit of my stomach.

Well said, Toshi. Well said. If one is going to die, why die with a frown and not a smile? I have no idea. But the fact is that frowning uses up more muscles than smiling. I was a lazy guy – the less I could do, the better. I chose smiling. With that said, I never grew a liking for my veggies.

I had learned to eat them for the sake of eating them, only because I needed to have a healthy diet to keep myself at my top form for the work I did. You liar, Toshi! After all these years, I did not grow to like the taste of vegetables!

To be honest, I don't really remember much about my time in the Academy. I made some friends, but when I advanced to the next class, I left them behind, never to make any contact with them again. In just nine months time, I had skipped the two preparatory years and graduated in April by the end of that academic year.

There was one particular lesson, however, I would never forget, and I _could_ never forget.

The graduating class was going to a field trip to the memorial stone. Sensei had taken a chance to explain the difficult situation we had during the Third Shinobi World War. Lives were lost and blood was shed. There were young men and women – too many of them – who had died young, way before their time. His name was on there, too. Uchiha Toshi. And then, it happened.

"Oh my god, Shisui. Your brother's Uchiha Toshi."

I can't even remember who the boy was, or how he looked like, but now, I remember so vividly what happened. A member of the class had shouted that, when Sensei had mentioned that niisan was one of the first shinobi to sacrifice his life during the War, dying valiantly to protect our country. Sensei graduated when Toshi did, I recall – they knew each other quite well, in fact.

"How cool is it that he took a thousand men with him to his grave? I wish I had a brother like that!" the boy had excitedly exclaimed. He was smiling, almost laughing; admiring what he thought I had. To me, he was mocking everything my brother stood for.

If he spoke like that, he was most likely an only child. He didn't know what he was saying, with the morose implication accentuated beneath his innocent and sincere words. Even if we were young children, that particular fact never crossed my mind when I heard his insensitive words.

Without any warning, I charged at the boy. Using the Body Flicker, a technique I had become able to effortlessly perform, I appeared behind him, placing the edge of a kunai on his throat. Just when I was about to slice his throat open, Sensei had stopped me, paralysing me with a Genjutsu. The boy was shaking in fear, tears flowing from his eyes as he begged for mercy. Maybe I was wrong in acting so rashly, since he didn't know what he did wrong.

I dispelled Sensei's Genjutsu using the newly awoken Sharingan – though I didn't know how I did it at the time. After I did, I dropped the kunai and stood there, too shocked to even move. All I could remember at the time was that dreaded intent to kill that child. If Sensei wasn't able to stop me in time, that boy would have been my first kill. It was a chilling thought. And I would have become the reason behind two more parents mourning over their child's untimely death.

I was lucky to take the forthcoming graduation exam afterwards, because without the Hokage's assistance, I would have been suspended for at least a year, if not longer. He understood why I acted the way I did, having heard what happened from Sensei. Sensei begged for my pardon, but I could still see the barely-hidden disappointment he felt for me whenever he looked me in the eye.

At least Sensei would speak to me. My father never spoke to me for a whole year. He didn't attend my graduation ceremony at the Academy, either. I was the top student who graduated with the best scores. I was the Rookie of the Year, but that didn't matter to my father. He was so disappointed in my outrageous behavior, but he wasn't the only one.

So was I.


	4. Me? A Role Model?

**Chapter 4 – Me? A Role Model?**

When Itachi came along, all I knew was that I was no longer the clan's youngest member. The attention shifted from me to him. I was never jealous of him, even if everyone's eyes turned to him and away from me. Phew! Was I glad. I might have been a bit of an attention-seeker, as I relished in having fangirls doing this and doing that for me, though I never liked the other sort of attention on me.

I always got a treat from everybody. I remember when I walked past Teyaki and Uruchi's shop, especially when I was young and looking adorable, they would offer me senbei. They were businessmen. They did not throw away their products for no profit, but they gave me food for FREE. I liked them a lot, and I liked food_ a lot_. Their rice crackers were very famous; villagers would come into the district just to buy them. I ate them even when I was full, because they were just that tasty! It was my favourite snack. After all, I was the so-called child genius manifested at a young age, so everyone in the clan treated me well. Although I never thought that about myself, the clan valued me as their most treasured prize, and _that_ was what I did not actually like. With that said… I did enjoy the upside of being spoiled, and perhaps too much, at times.

Fugaku became the new head of the Uchiha clan since his father's passing. He and I belonged in the same generation, except for the fact that he was old enough to father me! And so, the latest addition to the clan at the time was the new heir, Itachi. His son was my, um… second cousin once removed? I can't count that far. All I know is that my grandfather Izuna and his great-grandfather Madara were brothers. But then again, father was an illegitimate child…. I presumed he didn't have a happy childhood.

Grandfather was dead before father was born, grandmother died before he had reached his teenage years, although he grew up with the clan's welfare supports. They gave him education and training to become a shinobi. However, he did grow up with the shameful name of being a love-child. He couldn't choose his parents. It happened. That was just life. He was the second son of Uchiha Izuna, the run-away pillar of the clan who chose to abandon his wife and son in the last years of his life. Grandfather died young. He was in his early twenties, or so I have heard. He was the Izuna's secret son, who chose to abandon his wife and son in the last years of his life. Grandfather died young, in his early twenties, apparently. The story went that before his death, Grandfather gave up his existing family and left behind his career as a shinobi. He started his life anew as an ordinary man with a meek woman that he fell in love with and walked away from his betrothed and his son, casting his previous life away like it was all one big illusion.

Only then, Senju Tobirama clashed with Grandfather and killed him. Grandmother was left pregnant in her solitude with father growing in her womb, learning all the truths behind the man she was with. She was madly in love him. It did not matter who Uchiha Izuna was, what was important was that they had each other. The fact was, grandmother made the decision to make sure she could raise her son in the best condition she could. Granduncle accepted Father and grandmother into the clan with much bitterness. They were not treated nicely, especially by my non-blood related of a half-grandmother and my now deceased half-uncle.

In order to prove his worth, Father was changing people's prejudgements on his scandalous background with his hard work and devotion to the clan. He started to be accepted as a true member of the Uchiha clan when he had earned the respects as a skillful shinobi, serving as a direct subordinate under Niidaime's lead during the First War. He was a war hero. Later, he became the representative for the Uchiha clan to the rest of the village. He also became the first head of ANBU when the systematic establishment was created by the newly-appointed Sandaime Hokage. Father managed to smooth the tensions that were left behind by the previous generation. Two world wars later, he served his village again, coming out of retirement for the last one, honouring the reputations he had borne for the last forty years.

Uchiha Kagami, my father, aged 59, died a hero.

"Serves you right!" an elder woman of the clan had shouted contemptuously as she gawked lowly at Father's body before it was taken away. "Your time has come, bastard." She laughed callously and gave mother and me dirty stares.

That wicked witch! Why wasn't she dead? She was well into her eighties and still bouncing around, spreading witchcraft. _Yeah, right, bitch._ I wanted to growl at her. _Your time is coming too!_ Damn it, I wasn't allowed to.

She was my grandfather's wife. A horrible human being, if you ask my opinion. Father respected her greatly despite our family being treated like dirt by her, since forever…. Her son, Ishio, died in the Second War and fathered a child, Obito. My cousin. I must admit that he had it far worse than me. He grew up an orphan, since his mother died not long after the childbirth and his grandmother never liked him; although that was no surprise to me, our grandmother being who she was. And, funny enough, from rumors that I had heard, Obito was a result of rape. But if you told him about it, Obito shrugged and moved on. He didn't seem to care, which was good. I remember him being quite the happy guy, like me.

It's complicated, isn't it?

Within the clan, we had our own problems. Outside the clan, we had problems with the village. Madara, our former clan leader and my granduncle - one of the founders of the village though he turned out to be a defect - died in the Valley of End during a titanic fight against the Shodaime Hokage. It led our clansmen's enmity towards Konohagakure, a place that Madara had helped to build, increase. And increase it did. Even Father, who was an infant at the time, heard about it.

There must have been a misunderstanding, somewhere.

"_If our clan wants to break from its shell and really become a part of the big family, we must take the first step."_ In other words, to fit in with the rest of Konoha, we, the Uchiha, must integrate ourselves into society.

Now, that's a big statement.

After Father's death, it took me a while to understand what he had really meant. To be honest, I thought Father was doing quite well for himself, considering he was a son born of grandfather's lover. He was the bridge between the clan and the village. He was very important to the clan – he had low status as a clansman but was the medium for us Uchiha and hailed as a talented shinobi himself. Even back then, I could see what would have befallen our clan without him: The relationship tensed up dramatically. Father was old, but he wasn't old enough to die. About five years into the Third War, he died in a mission which he was sent as a messenger to Iwagakure for a peace talk. They didn't like him, _obviously_.

Now that I think back, it was no surprise that this was one of Danzo's many schemes. Father's eyes were the first pair of sharingan he got hold of. He said something about father being a senior consultant, and so his corpse would be disposed of by the village, rather than the clan, to honor his service to Konohagakure for over half a century.

That was a whole load of bullshit if you asked me. Sorry, please excuse my language.

Honestly, Mr. Shimura, why did you start wearing bandage over your right eye, like constantly? Did you injure yourself, in the _eye_? To hide something, maybe? Come on! A scar would have been cool for a shinobi. A sharingan, perhaps?! Of course, I didn't think that much into detail when it had happened. On the other hand, I am more than sure now, having experienced another pair of sharingan he had stolen and used it to fight against me.

But then, when it was father's time to depart to the next world, I was unusually chill about it. I felt that the impact was nowhere near as bad as the time when Toshi had passed on. I was crying, but I was pretty calm. Maybe because I knew deep down you had preferred Toshi over me…? But that's okay. The feeling was mutual, I preferred mother over you. Ha!

…

I loved you, too, Father. Maybe we did have our set of father-and-son problems, and the age gap didn't help. We didn't seem to get along for most of the time, but you truly cared for me. I know. You wouldn't be angry at me if you didn't care for me. You wouldn't be disappointed in me if you didn't have expectations of me. You wouldn't look at me if you didn't see anything in me. It was most probably because I had grown and learned more about the trending wheel of life that I wasn't as affected by your passing as it could have been. The fact that Toshi went before you had probably "warmed" me up for your death.

Maybe…? I still don't know.

"_Don't let others influence your decision-making. You are who you are. Absolutely nobody should decide what is right and what is wrong for you. Even me. You must decide it for yourself."_

I have to say, what you told me was a contradictory itself. Oh, well. One thing that I was sure about, though…. When you were speaking to me, if I had said that to you as a reply, you'd probably die of a heart attack, muttering something along the lines of, "you ignorant child, I-I-I h-have no s-such son l-like y-you…" struggling to finish your final words. I know, father. That's exactly why I did not give you a cheeky comeback, especially when you were all serious and meaningful about it.

I should not follow the mass majority blindly like a lamb, and I should judge things for myself. Father, you taught me how to think for myself. But sometimes, I wondered, what was the point in that if what I did had no effect on the outcome? Life is full of uncertainties. There is no formula to guarantee I will get the sum I want. Then, Mother's quirky voice kicked in.

_Don't you give up before you try!_

Yes, Father, Mother. You both entrusted this huge task on me. I was not sure if I could handle it. To help the clan by changing how outsiders see us. That's a big ask. The future lay in our future clan head. It was already too late to change Fugaku. It wouldn't happen. And so, Itachi was our hope.

We all had high expectations of Itachi. He did not disappoint us, I must say. For what he said, Father had also hinted that the new heir would be the key to changing our fate.

"Shisui-ojisan, what are you doing?"

Itachi, barely a toddler was peeking over a book I was reading. It was from a manga series called "How a Shinobi Should Die," the best-seller of the time. Almost laughing at the plots, I was very amused by the tragedy of the protagonist. It was too realistic for a fictional story! He died early and a promising young man sacrificed himself for his country…

…Just as Toshi had.

Itachi kept looking, with his eyes fixed on the front cover image of a man appearing to be very "cool" and making a pose that appeared stereotypically heroic. I cringed, feeling a bit uneasy by the child's plain gaze. He was quite a weird child. He was curious about all things, he learned things _very_ fast, and he was a quiet boy. Because he didn't speak much (not that he wasn't capable of speaking), it was very hard to know what he was thinking. I had to observe very closely to be able to understand what was on his mind.

"Don't call me ojisan." I was never happy to be called an uncle at the age of nine. It was too bizarre.

"But dad and you are cousins, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but it's not like I could choose when I was born."

"I don't understand what you mean."

I didn't think it was a good idea to explain to a three-year old about what I was trying to say. Before he could come up with more questions, I changed the topic immediately.

"Do me a favour, Itachi. Call me Shisui, without the ojisan."

"Mum said it's rude, isn't it?"

"No, it's ruder if you call _me_ ojisan." I pointed at my broad nose with my index finger and my eyes grew by the child's virtue when I spoke.

He didn't get it.

"Ok," Itachi obediently agreed. Only because he was a good kid.

And I was supposed to be a role model to this child genius…. I didn't think I'd make a good one at this rate.


End file.
